Showing posts with label Infertility. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Infertility. Show all posts

Friday, March 9, 2012

Inhabiting the Middle Ground



In a weird place emotionally. This weird middle ground between being hopelessly infertile and currently pregnant. Just standing between the two realms.... waiting to be pulled one way or the other. 

Adel and I are just going through the motions of life. Neither of us discusses being pregnant. Outside of attending our weekly ultrasound together, it just doesn't come up. It's like we are both waiting for the ball to drop. We have been here before... and it hurt so bad when it didn't work out. I imagine this avoidance technique we have adopted silently for this cycle is an act of self preservation? Not wanting to get close to our pregnancy or he/she inside of me... just in case. 

I still haven't felt the joy yet. Sure I was excited when I got the positive HPT and beta. For a couple hours even. Then excited again when I saw the ultrasound. I was excited then for the rest of night! But the next day... back to status quo. This defense mechanism is amazing. What do I do to bring these walls down? 

I also have only cried once. The fear crept under the walls briefly and I had a human moment. Adel had just got home from work and I opened up a discussion about our lack of excitement/interest/connection/etc for this pregnancy. Shortly after beginning the talk I just needed a hug, and couldn't stop crying. I blubbered on about how scared I was. How hurt I would be if we lost this baby too. It was the first time I had hugged him in a long time. Like really hugged him. Have I been subconsciously pushing him away (emotionally and physically) during this cycle also?

I am afraid to open a pregnancy book, afraid to daydream about pregnant life and even afraid to post on here... as if either of those things may pose a problem to this pregnancy. 

It's official... I have lost it completely. Lol. 

Any ideas on how and when to bring these walls down? Is this just what pregnancy after infertility/loss is? 

Ultrasound on Tuesday at 7 weeks and 2 days. Hopefully we will see a heartbeat. 

Thank you all for continuing on to this next part of my journey with me. I couldn't do this without you. 

Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Girls Weekend, 1st U/S and A Call for Support

Hope everyone had a great weekend! I know I did! Had my annual girls weekend with some of my college, sorority sisters in Northern California. We all used to live together and since moving out 12 years ago we have maintained this "special weekend a year" tradition. The 9 of us lock ourselves in a cabin in the mountains and just hang out. There is usually a good amount of drinking (this was my first sober year), board games, self reflection and reminiscing about the past year. This weekend is incredibly special to me and I am so glad my cycle allowed me to still go this year. I was terrified I would receive bad news at my beta last week and just be a hot mess this weekend. So glad it didn't work out that way. Plus, I got to tell all my girls we were pregnant in person (they all live 7 hours away from me)!!!! How exciting is that! Of course, I would prefer to have waited to tell anyone till we were a bit father along but I couldn't pass up the opportunity to do it in person. They are keeping it quiet for me for now. The weekend turned out great and as usual... I can't wait for next year.   :) 


Had my first ultrasound today. It is obviously very early, 5 weeks and 2 days, so not much can be seen. We did see one sac. So one baby it is. Adel was a bit disappointed. He really had a feeling that both embryos had taken and we were having twins. He asked the doctor like three times what "happened to the other one"? Lol. Really? Poor guy. I told him "my uterus ate it". I think he just thought our quality of embryos this time was so great that it was done deal or something... I however, know the statistics don't work like that. Twins would have been great from an instant family perspective but I am over the moon for one baby. Another appointment next Monday where they will zoom in to try and see the fetal pole. Hopefully this little guy keeps hanging out in there. 


Lastly, it is with a heavy heart that I ask for some support for a fellow infertile. My friend Laura is losing her baby after a successful FET (frozen embryo transfer following a failed IVF cycle). Last week the baby had a heart beat, was on track and looked great. Yesterday when she went in at 7 weeks and 5 days the baby had no heartbeat. She is scheduled for a D&C tomorrow. She had her pre-op today and took a last look at her baby. My heart is absolutely broken for her. No one should have to go through the pain and suffering that we in this community do. Laura doesn't have a blog of her own but she does read mine... please send some support and prayers her way. 


I am so sorry this has happened Laura. I am thinking of you and your hubby in this difficult and unfair time. I wish there was something I could do to ease your pain. *Big hugs to you*

Thursday, February 23, 2012

IVF #3: Beta #2

Had my 2nd beta today.


For reference this is 12DP6DT (18DPO). The number was 770. Beta #1 was 335 so the second beta doubled nicely!


The numbers indicate 1 growing baby. Which I am ecstatic about. Twins make me nervous. 


Very thankful for my doubling beta. Hope it keeps going up and up!

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

IVF #3: Beta #1

Had my first beta today. For reference, today marks 10DP6DT (16DPO).


The number was 335!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


I am very, very excited.


I hope so much my body decides to hang onto this one. Please.

Monday, February 20, 2012

Two Lines...

Pregnancy test is coming out positive. 


Been getting a positive since 5DP6DT. Eeeeep! 


Excited but nervous. 


Looking forward to my beta tomorrow. 


To the other BFPs out there... so very very exciting. Stay healthy and positive during this special time. Can't wait to see your updates as things progress! CONGRATS! 

For my friends with recent negatives... I am so sorry. I know your hurt/pain and wouldn't wish it on anyone. Big hugs to you and your families while you process the emotions and begin to heal. Thinking of each of you.

Friday, February 17, 2012

6DP6DT



Still here... waiting. Lol


The 2ww is such a mindf**k. So many emotions. 


Sorry I have been so quiet. Have been trying to stay off the computer, google, etc to keep my mind from going crazy. Sorry for my recent lack of comments on your blogs, I really feel so bad. Just trying to stay positive and in the zone. 


Been reading a lot (books). Like 500-650 pages a day. No joke. Lol. Well, at least it keeps my brain busy. 


Beta is on Tuesday the 21st. Still praying this third times a charm.  


Miss you and I will be back soon. 

Saturday, February 11, 2012

Transfer Complete!

We had our transfer today and it went amazing.


Your positive thoughts and prayers worked!


We arrived at Dr. Cold's office (actually it was on yet a different floor of the building his office is in. This one is connected to the lab) about 15 minutes early for our 11:45am appointment time. We were called back by the embryologist shortly after who stated she had good news for us! Yay!


Out of the 7 embryos biopsied for PGD yesterday, 3 were chromosomally normal. OMG. This. was. huge. I was expecting 1 really. Again... my previous cycles have gone like this... 11 retrieved, 6 biopsied, 1 normal... 20 retrieved, 17 biopsied, 3 normal. So yay!! 3 normal, great news thus far.


We then moved on the discuss the qualities of the normal embabies. They were really good quality. One was graded an AA and two were graded BA. We have never seen our embryos graded better then a BB. SO this was very exciting. Also, all 3 embabies had already completely hatched out of their zona shell already. These guys were all ready to go!!!


Due to the good quality we decided to transfer two embryos. We were able to freeze the third one (again, we have never had any to freeze before).


An unintentional side effect of PGD is learning gender information... so we knew we had a boy (grade AA) and two girls (grades BA). We put in the boy and one girl. Eeeeeep! We shall see what happens.


Transfer was normal. "Get undressed from the waist down, feet in the stirrups, this flash on the screen are your babies going in, etc". Neither of my clinics have handed out valium. Man that would have been nice. Haha. I also have never had to deal with the full bladder thing that many fellow bloggers complain about. Very lucky there. After the embryos were placed, I had to lay there for a half an hour before getting dressed/leaving. Hanging out with hubby in the dark transfer room with my babies, finally where they should be, was nice. We talked a bit during this time but mostly just hung out quietly, taking it all in. Regardless of what happens, I love him... and our life.


Currently lounging it up on bed rest. This office has a pretty strict bed rest policy. 3 days strict bed rest, only up to use the restroom and then 4 additional days of house arrest. Lol. That is nuts... but I have no reason not to follow it. I have a bunch of movies and books ready to entertain me. It is also nice this happened on a Saturday so hubby gets to hang out with me for two of the days.    :)


Today I am feeling encouraged. I know my emotions will be on high alert the next couple weeks and I may not always feel sunny. But today, was a good day.


Oh and... yes, I definitely brought the fertility tiki with me today. Haha. Hey, we need all the help we can get!


I leave you with pics of our little ones! Girl is on the left, boy is on the right. 




Thank you all for being here.

Friday, February 10, 2012

Egg Retrieval and Super Bowl

Ahhh.. Last Sunday. Egg retrieval and my 10th annual Super Bowl party... cause those two events totally go together right? 


Wanted to get this written down for documentation purposes. 


Egg retrieval was bright and early Sunday morning. Actually it wasn't bright. It was still dark since I had to be there at 5:30am. Really? 5:30am? OMG. PLUS I decided it would be best to get fully ready for the day beforehand, since I was unsure I would be feeling afterwards. SO I showered, blew dry hair, curled hair and did my full makeup. Haha. They must have thought I was nuts showing up to retrieval at 5:30am all done up like that. 


The retrieval was done in a surgery center on the first floor of the building my RE is also located in. With my last two cycles the retriveal process was a bit more casual... I would only undress from the waist down, hop up on the bed, get strapped in and go to sleep... but since this retrieval is done in a surgery center I had to fully undress, put on a gown/grippy socks/hair net and be wheeled in the surgery room on a hospital bed when it was time. Very serious. 


The procesdure it self went well... I think. I was outty. Seriously, I don't even remember going to sleep. That stuff is amazing. I am a huge fan. 


Woke up crampy and sore but the awesome nursing staff was right there with some drugs to help with that! Dr.  Cold tried some nonchalant walk-by method where he threw out "hey we got 17 eggs, call you tomorrow" and kept walking by. Bastard. Lol. I stopped him and wanted more information. Truth is... I am just not that comfortable talking to him (with his infinite coldness) but I had a question for him. This question was definitely a "down the road, what if" question BUT... considering I knew this would be our last face-to-face time before transfer, I wanted to take adantange of asking it then. So I begin... "Dr. Cold, I know we have some time before discussing embryos but I really want get a plan in place for PGD. If we get to day 5 and there are only 2 embryos, I would prefer to just transfer them and not do PGD. Is there a minimum number you prefer to see before biopsying for PGD?" His response "Those are what if scenarios I am not willing to discuss at this point. Yeah, I am not going to talk about those situations now. Take care and I will call tomorrow with a fert report" *Walks off* Uhmmm... really? I started bawling. I don't know... maybe I am just unstable. But I was really upset. Really? You can't just answer my question? I get that there are a million things that could go wrong before we discuss a day 5 scenario. I also know that it is a moot point if we have more than 2 still alive and kicking at day 5. I was just wanted to discuss my wishes and get a common practice answer from him. Meh. He's a douche. But again... I knew this going into this cycle. 


Dr. Cold walks away and I start crying up a storm. Lol. I am usually not a crier after surgery so I am definitely blaming it all on Dr. Cold and our interaction. They bring hubby back and I tell him about our insensitive bastard of a doctor. The nurse comes over to console me and lets me know that most of the surgical staff feel the same way as I do. She personally has worked with him for like 15 years and she has always found him to be cold, clinical and an egomaniac. Apparently though, the rumor is... he becomes semi normal after a few cocktails. Soooooo liquor is the ticket apparently. 


The rest of my surgery center experience was amazing. The staff was absolutely great. I had to sit/lay around there for longer then usual since I was given an IV of Hespan (to help avoid OHSS) after the procedure. Once finished with the IV I got dressed and we headed home. READY TO PARTY FOR THE SUPERBOWL. Lol. 


Took a few hour nap to wear off my fentanyl/versed/dilaudid haze. Woke up around 1pm knowing people would start arriving at 2:30pm. We were only having about 7 people over so it wasn't a big party but it happened to be his mom, his sister, 2 brothers, etc. So people that the house needed to be cleaned for, food needed to be good and most of all... these are people that really would know if something was wrong with me (since they know me pretty well). None of them know about our infertility struggles. I knew it was going to be an interesting challenge hosting a party that day... but really what were the odds our retrieval would land on that day? Lol. Retrievals are always moving targets. We were sure it would land on a different day. Anyway, back to the party. 


I had prepped everything accordingly the night before (Saturday). All the food was basically ready to go. Short of throwing it into the oven when it was time. I had also fully decorated the house in football gear. It looked so cute.   :) 


The party went really good I thought. Had to pop a vicodin at a couple different points in the day as I just seemed to be getting more and more sore as the hours wore on. Towards the end of the third quarter of the game I was ready to lay on the couch and have everyone go home. Haha. From that point on... the end of the game couldn't come fast enough. When it did, everyone hugged, said goodbye and I immediately went to bed. I had been cleaning up as the party was going on for the most part but I did leave up the decorations and various cups and whatnot out. I was just not into feeling up to being the cleaning crew at that point. That waited till Monday (maybe even some was left till Tuesday, lol).


All and all... egg retrieval and Super Bowl were both successes. Crazy they had to be done on the same day but this is just another example of how infertility has truly taken over my life. No days are sacred. 


*PGD post is still coming (it will give me something to do while on bed rest)* 


Transfer is tomorrow at 12:00pm (day 6). 7 embabies are still alive and have been biopsied for PGD. We will get the results of this testing right before the transfer. Please, please, please let there be some normal ones. 

Egg Retrieval

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Embabies Day #3 Update



Got the update on my growing babies!!! So exciting.


As you may remember, we had retrieved 17. 11 of those 17 fertilized (with ICSI) and out of those 11... all 11 are still dividing/growing/kicking/hanging in there. One is not looking too good but 11 nonetheless. From what I understand, they are looking for embryos to be 6 cells or more on day 3.


Here are our embabies stats:
1 - 3 cell, grade B (this is the one not looking too good)
1 - 6 cell, grade A
1 - 7 cell, grade A
2 - 8 cells, grade A
5 - 9 cells, grade A
1 - 10 cell, grade A


Looking good so far. We won't get another update till Friday (Day 5) when they do the biopsy for PGD. This is always the scary part for me. We historically haven't produced many chromosomally normal embryos. IVF cycle #1 we had 11 eggs retrieved and only 1 was chromosomally normal. IVF cycle #2 we had 20 eggs retrieved and 3 were chromosomally normal. Scary to know our numbers take such a hit with PGD (well, it's not PGD's fault). I will post more about PGD and our experiences with it over the next couple days since I know some of my blogger friends were interested in knowing more about it. Stay tuned.


Still feeling really yucky. Really yucky. This is the worst I have felt after a retrieval. By far. I am basically still in bed. Lol. My whole torso hurts. Like even behind my breast bone. Not just in pain in my abdomen, it runs all the way up my torso. Just trying to take it easy and focus on feeling better before my transfer on Saturday. So glad I have a few more days till then.


Hopefully I will be able to be more talkative tomorrow... I really want to go into more detail about retrieval (for those new to IVF'ers out there) and talk about PGD. Just not feeling up to it yet.

Monday, February 6, 2012

Fertilization Report

Out of the 17 eggs retrieved yesterday all were mature and ICSI'd. 11 fertilized. There is also another one on the fence but 11 for sure. 


I won't hear anything more till Wednesday. Transfer is scheduled currently for Saturday (we do a day 5 PGD biopsy and transfer on day 6). 


I am currently trying to heal. Really sore and uncomfortable. Been in bed all day.   :( 

Sunday, February 5, 2012

Done with Retrieval

Back at home and wanted to give a quick update.


We got 17 eggs! There are being ICSI'd today and we will find out the fertilization results sometime tomorrow.


A bit sore but still pretty drugged from the IV (man those drugs are amazing).


Heading upstairs for a napper before I need to get ready for the super bowl party I am hosting.


Thank you all for the prayers and well wishes!!!

Saturday, February 4, 2012

Calm Before the Storm



I always look at the day before retrieval as the calm before the storm.


It is usually just a quiet day, hanging around the house since usually one is pretty uncomfortable at this point (this time is no different). There are no shots to take and I have done all that is physically possible for their cycle. This is the calm.


But a storm is brewing on the horizon. A storm of pain, nerves and waiting over the next few weeks.


Tomorrow my body will be violated and ravaged by an aspirator. Again. The drugs will be amazing as always I am sure... but once I awake... I will be left with empty follicles and a sore abdomen. The soreness will last for days with probably Tuesday-ish being the worst of the pain (this has been my experience). Tomorrow also begins the waiting... waiting to see how many fertilized, how many make it to day 3 & day 5, how many will be normal once PGD has been completed and how many will make it to transfer (I am not even expecting any to freeze since I haven't in either of my first two cycles) and waiting to see if it worked. Lots of waiting and lots of nerves cause things could go wrong at any of these points. I won't even go into the storm of emotions that is on the horizon. Either extreme happiness or more sadness coming over the next few weeks. As I said... a storms a brewing.


Anyway, back to getting things ready for my super bowl party tomorrow.


Have to be at the surgery center at 5:30am for retrieval. OMG. 5:30am. That is nuts.


Wanted to wish a GOOD LUCK to two blog friends that also have their retrievals tomorrow morning. Sometimes and Millionbabysteps, I will be thinking about you and hoping all goes well tomorrow. Crossing my fingers for both of you.

Friday, February 3, 2012

It's Trigger Time


Well not for a few more hours. But we are very close my friends. 


Is it a problem that as I was typing "It's Trigger Time" for the title... all I could think about was the Je.rsey Sho.re saying "It's T-Shirt Time". Lol. Really? Omg, if you don't currently subscribe to this lowest form of reality tv... don't start. It's pretty bad. But alas, I love it.


Appointment went fine today. Still 19 follicles but seriously like 6 of them are ginormous (i.e. 29mm x 27mm). Way too big in my opinion. The doctor in me (self taught, lol) says that if there are actually eggs in those, they are going to be over mature for sure but I am not going to stress over such things I cannot control. The size of my follicles and amount of eggs I am currently eggulating is just one of those things.


E2 came back at 4445 (after 11 days of stims). 


No Follistim or Luveris tonight... officially done with those for this cycle. Still taking my Lupron and Lovenox (blood thinners for MTHFR) tonight. Trigger is happening at 7:30pm (7500iu). Also starting Cabergoline tonight (to help keep any OHSS at bay). 


Eeeeep. I am getting nervous. 


I'm still hoping... 3rd times a charm.

Thursday, February 2, 2012

Still Stimming Along

Still here... eggulating.


Day 11 of stims.


After 10 days of stims today my E2 was at 3328. We saw 19 measureable follicles today... some of the left side finally decided to get involved. Very exciting. A few of them are huge... like literally... one was 26mm x 21mm... that one obviously is going to be over-mature for the retrieval but overall I am pleased with how the numbers are lining up.


I go back in for monitoring tomorrow and trigger tomorrow night. Definite Super Bowl Sunday retrieval.

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Todays Update!



Eggs are growing nicely.   :) 


Today marks day 10 of stims. 


I currently have 13 measurable follicles. Most are in the 16mm-18mm range but a couple are in the 20mm range. There are also a bunch of smaller ones that I hope catch up a bit. This time last cycle I had 19 measurable follicles (and ended up with 20 eggs at retrieval) so hoping a bit more make it to the party. 


My E2 came in at 2657 after 9 days of stims. This is up from 1014 on Monday. 


My Follistim dosage is being adjusted slightly from 250iu to 225iu. Luveris and Lupron remains the same. 


All in all I still feel pretty good... not that uncomfortable yet. Bloated for sure but not overly full in there yet. My headaches have gotten better which is nice. No crazy emotions yet either, still in a pretty good place mentally... I chalk that up to my amazing beach outings over the weekend. My belly is a bruised roadmap of needle love but outside of that... no complaints. We shall see what tomorrow brings. 


Another monitoring appointment tomorrow and still planning for retrieval on Sunday. 


Grow Eggies Grow! 

Monday, January 30, 2012

Day #8 of Stims

Day 8 today! Things are moving along slowly but surely. 

Monitoring appointment today went fine. Things are progressing as they should. I have 8 to 10 good sized follicles right now and a good amount of smaller ones. Still pretty early to get an idea of what sorts of numbers we will have at retrieval but I always like hearing how they are doing. My lining was in the 9ish range (can't remember the exact number). My E2 after 7 days of stims was 1014 and since I missed posting about it on Saturday, my E2 after 5 days was 379. My follistim dosage has been decreased from 300iu to 250iu for tonight and tomorrow. Next monitoring appointment is on Wednesday.  

I think they are working towards a Sunday retrieval. Uhm... really? Superbowl Sunday? Lolz. Besides the fact that I host a Superbowl party at our house every year (this year being no exception)... I think it sounds sorta lucky to have our retrieval on that day. Hopefully this is our cycle and it will be a story for our little one, one day.   :) 

Outside of infertility land... this weekend was so beautiful. I just love Southern California. 80 degrees all weekend. Since we were out and about early on Saturday for my monitoring appointment... we decided to be spontaneous and visit the nearby beach. It. Was. So. Beautiful. I loved it. We just sat there... letting the sun fall on us, listening to the ocean and relaxing. Really relaxing. I felt at peace. This is exactly what I needed for this cycle. I am ready for what the next two weeks may bring. We both enjoyed our impromptu beach day so much... we went back for a few hours on Sunday also. 


The view for my beautiful beach day

My beach friend

Thank you for all your comments and well wishes for this cycle. You are the bestest! Hope you enjoy the pictures! 

Thursday, January 26, 2012

Day #4 of Stims

So... stabbing myself in the belly has been going good. 

Day #4 of stims today and my first monitoring appointment for this cycle. 

Dr. Cold was his usual cold self... not warming up yet. I was thinking he would possibly warm up after we actually paid for the cycle... but no. Hasn't happened. Haha. 

No measurable follicles yet and my E2 level was 161. I think I might go rummage through my previous cycle paperwork to see how that compares from my last cycles just to see if that is a normal number after 3 days of stims. 

My dosage of Follistim is being increased from 250iu to 300iu. Luveris (1 vial) and lupron (10 units) dosages are staying the same. 

Still dealing with a constant headache.   :( 

Forced myself back to the acupuncturist yesterday. I had been sorta avoiding her since our loss. Not 100% sure why... but what I think it might be is this: She reminds me of our lost baby. The last time I saw her... she was doing a treatment to try and help "calm the fetus" and control the hematoma/bleeding. By my next scheduled appointment with her, we had lost it. I cancelled my appointment for that day and crawled into a hole for months. She called me to do a cleanse appointment, emailed, etc and I ignored her. I knew going back to her would bring about the "what happened" discussion and frankly I didn't want to talk about it. So I avoided. And avoided. BUT finally went back yesterday. She asked a lot of questions. Specifically she wanted me to go back through how the cycle ended, when I passed the tissue, what that was like, what my periods have been like since, etc. It was hard but maybe necessary. Laying on that table I was brought back to how I felt in that same room last cycle (in the weeks of treatment before the loss). I remembered it being a place of serenity for me.... I had felt really at peace when laying there... almost spiritual... praying for my cycle, my eggs, my embabies, etc. Last cycle had been such a positive experience (despite the ending) and I had really attributed acupuncture to a part of that. I am not in the same space this cycle. A little more guarded, hurt and nervous. I have another acupuncture appointment tomorrow and am going to focus on relaxing and summoning my inner peace. Maybe now that the initial visit back to her is over... I can breathe easier when in there. Maybe I should have gone to a new place since this one was muddled with so many memories/pain? I don't know... perhaps dealing with it is a part of the healing process. I look forward to hopefully more healing on the table tomorrow.

Next monitoring appointment is on Saturday!    

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Bull in the China Shop



I have once again let that bull in my china shop. IVF #3 has started. Eeeep! 
I willingly have begun this process again. The bull (our ivf cycle) is full of unknowns and comes blundering into my shop, taking over my attention/energy in this all encompassing force to be reckoned with. And at any moment... something might break. The shop is me... my body, spirit, heart and life. And frankly... I am fragile. Just like china in a shop. After all the ups and downs associated with IF and the years of trying/cycling, I am fragile. Letting that bull back into my shop is unnerving, scary and bound for destruction. One way or another. 
I am hoping this cycle... the bull brings me destruction of my current barren status. That would be fabulous. 
This is my current favorite metaphor I am relating to IVF and cycling. Represents so perfectly how I feel. 
Outside of having an aggressive, domineering and potentially harmful bovine in my fragile, been hurt before and scared self... I am excited about the cycle. Things just seem fresh and new. New cycle, new doctor, different protocol, new drugs, new diagnosis all falling in a new year. That has got to be lucky, no? 
Had my suppression check yesterday, after a week on Lupron, and all looked great! Started stims last night! I am on Follistim (250 units), Luveris (1 ampule), Lupron (10 units), Lovenox (for MTHFR), MetaNx (Pill-for MTHFR), Dexamethasone (pill) and my normal other supplements/vitamins daily. The Follistim and Luveris dosages stay as listed till my first monitoring appointment on Thursday. Shots went great last night but I really woke up with a headache today. Not sure which of the drugs to blame (if any) but we shall see if it persists. 
Looking forward to the process that will be unfolding over the next few weeks. Thanks for listening and being a special part of my journey. 

Thursday, January 19, 2012

Oh the irony...

The God of Fertility must have a sense of humor. 
So my much younger brother currently lives in Japan (in the army) and during a recent visit to Hawaii he found and purchased Adel and I a “fertility tiki”. He had just recently heard of our IF struggles and felt he was doing his part with this purchase. I thought it was a cute and thoughtful gesture from someone who could never really understand the life of an infertile (he, at 24, has a 9 month old beautiful baby girl), He was so excited he had found it and shipped it out to us immediately. 
It arrived today... broken. Lol. 
Oh the irony. Our fertility tiki broken? Shocker. I mean... it is almost hilarious really. 
Though I am not one to believe in the superstition of this small wooden figurine, I felt was in no position to decline the sweet gesture. Now however... I am left wondering what it arriving broken must mean. Eeeep! 
Meh... just like in life... it might be time to bust out the super glue and put the pieces back together.   :)
The Tiki came with this tag: 
“God of Fertility - Hawaiians have long believed that the God of Fertility is the true bearer of good fortune. Whatever your heart desires --wealth, fame, or even a new baby --just rub his shiny, round “opu” and your wish is his command.”
Here’s to hoping his “opu” wasn’t affected by his amputated feet. 



Thursday, January 12, 2012

Medications and MTHFR

IVF Cycle #3 Drugs


Awwww the familiar and comforting sight of injectables! 
As you can see... my medications have arrived! This means we are very close. Within weeks actually (hopefully). 
Crazy to think it has been almost exactly 3 months since I have had to give myself a shot (since IVF #2 ended)! Seemed like some fuzzy memory that happened ages ago to someone else... And yet... opening the box... it all came flooding back. The shots, the medicine "mixing", the schedule, the worrying about where I would be when it was time to give myself a shot, the appointments, the "wand", the blood draws and waiting for the phone to ring. These are just the exterior/safe flashbacks, the emotional flashbacks I am saving for another post. Regardless, ready to start all of the above all over again. For the most part. 
I do feel a bit out of touch with this cycle already since I am on a brand new protocol (not that I have actually seen my protocol on paper yet) with all new drugs! I have never taken Follistim or Luverius before and what the heck do I even do with this pen? Hehe. I have previously been a Gonal F and Menopur girl, so these are all new to me.
From what I understand... I will be on a Long Lupron Protocol. 
My drugs of choice(?) this cycle include but are not limited to: 
Lupron
Follistim
Luveris
Novarel
Progesterone in Oil (PIO) 
Vivelle Patches
Doxycycline (oral)
Dexamethasone (oral)
Medrol (oral)
Norethindrone/Aygestin (oral)
Baby Aspirin
Those are in addition to my normal daily drug cocktail of: 
Metformin (2000mg)
MetanX
Prenatal 
Inositol (vitamin supplement)
CoQ10 (vitamin supplement)
L-Arginine (vitamin supplement)
Wow. Listing that all out makes me feel like a junkie.  :) 
I started my first oral pill for the upcoming cycle on Monday. Norethindrone (Aygestin) twice a day for 9 days. 
I start my Lupron injections this coming Monday (1/16). 10 units a night. 
My next appointment and suppression check is on 1/23 and from there I am in the dark. I suppose I will get a calendar at that point? Not really sure, since we are dealing with a new office and unfamiliar protocol, what comes next. The paperwork I have ends with “If tests show adequate suppression, you will be ready to start the stimulation phase”. Like immediately? So starting stims that night? or the next night? Who knows. I am trying to not over-obsess about the absence of a detailed and beautiful calendar (of the next month of my life). I, of course, already have a made-up retrieval date, transfer date, beta date and due date in my head. How this is possible for a cycle I have no concept of at this point... I have no clue. It’s a sickness. Thus the life of a control freak infertile.   
Also wanted to delve further into the MTHFR mutation I had mentioned in my last post. Looks like there are a bunch of us out there with it. I did find some more information. Seems like there are many different ways of managing this diagnosis based on your particular doctor... treatment is also based on your specific variation of the mutation. There are 5 different variations of the mutation. I think it is important for you to know your specific mutation and implications for your particular version (I have #2 listed below - Compound Heterozygous) I found a well written MTHFR Tutorial on a fellow bloggers site and will paste the info here. 

MTHFR Gene Mutation
What is it?
The gene MTHFR (Methylenetetrahydofolate Reductase) encodes the protein MTHFR. Its job is to convert one form of folate (5,10-Methylenetetrahydofolate) to another form of folate (5-Methyltetrahydrofolate). 5-Methyltetrahydrofolate is used to convert Homocysteine (a “bad” amino acid) to Methionine (a “good” amino acid). Therefore, if MTHFR is not doing its job as well, homocysteine will not be converted to Methionine and will be elevated in plasma. Elevated Homocysteine has been associated with a variety of multi-factorial diseases.
Essentially what this means is that the genes that instruct MTHFR to convert homocysteine to Methionine are mutated and may not be capable of doing this important function. MTHFR is an enzyme that converts Homocysteine to an essential amino acid (Methionine). When the genes are mutated you may be lacking this enzyme. Your Homocysteine levels can possibly climb making the blood clot. Some doctors don’t check for the MTHFR mutations and rely only on homocysteine levels. This isn’t as reliable as testing for the mutations, because Homocysteine levels fluctuate (if you catch your level on a normal day, you may go undiagnosed).
What Type Do I Have?
With MTHFR, there are two different genes identified for this mutation, and it’s possible to be “heterozygous,” “compound heterozygous,” or “homozygous.” The MTHFR gene mutation has varying degrees of possible implications. The order of potential severity from most to least is:
1. C677T & C677T (Two C Copies – C677T Homozygous)
2. C677T & A1298C (One Copy of Each The C & A – Compound Heterozygous)
3. C677T (One C Copy – C677T Heterozygous)
4. A1298C & A1298C (Two A Copies – A1298C Homozygous)
5. A1298C (One A Copy – A1298C Heterozygous)
The MTHFR mutation is fairly common in the general population. Approximately 44% of the population is heterozygous and another approximate 12% are homozygous for the MTHFR mutation. Compound heterozygous and homozygous MTHFR have the highest incidences of being linked to implantation failure, late term miscarriages, specific birth defects and overall vascular health. Whichever type of MTHFR you have, it should not be discounted, particularly if there is a personal or family history of any such incidences.
What Are the Implications?
Any and all of the mutations can affect homocysteine levels, but there is much dispute as to whether elevated homocysteine levels are actually needed in order for MTHFR to cause medical complications. Many other MTHFR patients have normal homocysteine levels; yet have had implantation problems, m/c(s), and/or stillbirth(s) due to clotting problems. So it is important to find out your Homocysteine levels (although again, normal doesn’t necessarily mean all is well). This is a serious field and MTHFR is a serious condition, so consulting an expert is wise.
Research shows that high homocysteine levels and/or those with the mutation show a higher propensity for thrombosis (blood clots), arteriosclerosis (hardening of arteries), Alzheimer’s, stroke, heart attack, Fibromyalgia, migraines (especially with “Aura” migraines), osteoporotic fractures, bone marrow disorders and for those of child bearing years, it has found to be connected to higher incidences of down’s syndrome, spina bifida, other neural tube defects, trisomy, miscarriage, stillbirth, implantation failure, placental abruption, preeclampsia, higher incidences of autism, amongst others. Additionally, if you test positive you may want to have your parents, siblings, and any children you may already have tested, as well. There are a few positives to this disorder. Because folate is necessary for cellular division, there is support that shows having this disorder can actually help keep certain types of cancer cells from multiplying as rapidly, so there are some benefits from having this mutation.
Treatment?
Many doctors prescribe Folgard (or MetanX), which is a prescription vitamin supplement containing high levels of folic acid, B12 and B6. These vitamins are what the body essentially needs to convert Homocysteine to Methionine. To put this into perspective, the average multivitamin contains 400 mcgs , most prenatals have 800mcgs of Folic Acid (200% of the normal daily value). Those that are compound heterozygous and those that are homozygous for the mutation are recommended taking 5 mgs. of Folic Acid/B vitamins (12 times the average multi-vitamin and 6 times more than prenatals). It is also recommended to begin taking a low dose (LD) aspirin (81 mgs) once a day, every day, for the rest of your life.
For those undergoing fertility treatments, often times the treatment includes Lovenox (low molecular weight heparin) or Heparin (both are anti-coagulants) during the cycle. If you have a history of implantation failure or early miscarriage, it is becoming more acceptable to use the protocol established by the well-respected Reproductive Immunologist Dr. Beers by beginning Lovenox (40mg/once a day) on cycle day 6 and continuing throughout the cycle. If pregnancy is confirmed, this dosage is likely increased (Typically up to 40mg/twice a day, but potentially higher doses are prescribed dependent upon blood work results since homocysteine levels tend to increase with pregnancy) and usage continues throughout your pregnancy. Approximately two to four weeks prior to birth, the patient is converted to Heparin and continues to take an anti-coagulant for another 6 weeks postpartum (typically switched back to Lovenox). During that time, you will typically be directed to take additional Calcium and Vitamin D, as anti-coagulants can cause bone loss (Heparin more so than Lovenox). Some doctors will recommend a bone scan after use is discontinued to ensure there are no bone density issues. While being treated with an anti-coagulant, you will typically be asked to discontinue taking the 81 mg. baby aspirin since the anti-coagulants will replace the need for the thinning property of the LD aspirin. The FDA has placed Lovenox in the pregnancy category B. Lovenox is not expected to be harmful to an unborn baby. It is not known whether Lovenox passes into breast milk or if it could harm a nursing baby. Do not use Lovenox without telling your doctor if you are breast-feeding a baby. However, many doctors believe it is fine to breastfeed for the 6 weeks postpartum while still receiving Lovenox.


Hope that helps! Sorry for the wall o' text this post became!