Day #4 of stims today and my first monitoring appointment for this cycle.
Dr. Cold was his usual cold self... not warming up yet. I was thinking he would possibly warm up after we actually paid for the cycle... but no. Hasn't happened. Haha.
No measurable follicles yet and my E2 level was 161. I think I might go rummage through my previous cycle paperwork to see how that compares from my last cycles just to see if that is a normal number after 3 days of stims.
My dosage of Follistim is being increased from 250iu to 300iu. Luveris (1 vial) and lupron (10 units) dosages are staying the same.
Still dealing with a constant headache. :(
Forced myself back to the acupuncturist yesterday. I had been sorta avoiding her since our loss. Not 100% sure why... but what I think it might be is this: She reminds me of our lost baby. The last time I saw her... she was doing a treatment to try and help "calm the fetus" and control the hematoma/bleeding. By my next scheduled appointment with her, we had lost it. I cancelled my appointment for that day and crawled into a hole for months. She called me to do a cleanse appointment, emailed, etc and I ignored her. I knew going back to her would bring about the "what happened" discussion and frankly I didn't want to talk about it. So I avoided. And avoided. BUT finally went back yesterday. She asked a lot of questions. Specifically she wanted me to go back through how the cycle ended, when I passed the tissue, what that was like, what my periods have been like since, etc. It was hard but maybe necessary. Laying on that table I was brought back to how I felt in that same room last cycle (in the weeks of treatment before the loss). I remembered it being a place of serenity for me.... I had felt really at peace when laying there... almost spiritual... praying for my cycle, my eggs, my embabies, etc. Last cycle had been such a positive experience (despite the ending) and I had really attributed acupuncture to a part of that. I am not in the same space this cycle. A little more guarded, hurt and nervous. I have another acupuncture appointment tomorrow and am going to focus on relaxing and summoning my inner peace. Maybe now that the initial visit back to her is over... I can breathe easier when in there. Maybe I should have gone to a new place since this one was muddled with so many memories/pain? I don't know... perhaps dealing with it is a part of the healing process. I look forward to hopefully more healing on the table tomorrow.
Next monitoring appointment is on Saturday!
